Olympic Events that Britain Can Win!

In preparation for the 2012 Olympics in London, certain British pastimes are to be introduced to the games. The following sports have been put forward as possible events at the games;

Three positions bland cookery

High speed un-called for xenophobic behavior

Tag team delusions about how good things used to be

One on one lying about how much you actually drink

Long distance unnecessary references to the war

Men’s 100m procrastination

Women’s 50m blaming everything on the weather

Mixed gender sexual discrimination and unfair cross-gender salaries

And finally:

Mass participation; we’re still an important country please don’t ignore us!

There are also calls to invent a number of obscure, cliquey ball sports that we can win at for thirty years until the Australians and Americans figure them out. Oh yes, and pub skittles.