Olympic Sonic Weapon to be deployed! UK Police will shout BANG at troublemakers!

UK police have no guns

If you’re thinking of causing trouble at the 2012 Olympics… beware!

The UK Metropolitan Police (Planet Earth’s least lethal police department) finally have a weapon more powerful than those stick/truncheon things.

The Met trialed many different types of weapons including pepper spray, taser guns, wiff-waff bats and other non intimidating weapons.

However, due to budget cuts and a complete lack of leadership they have settled upon shouting BANG at assailants.

Not only that, but if this fails to bring the crime to an immediate end they will go further and shout BANG BANG you’re DEAD!

Criminals across London’s East End have agreed to go along with this and if reply to the threat by pretending to be shot.

Organised crime in the East End is expecting a bumper summer due to the influx of gormless foreign tourists with huge cameras, mobile phones, bumbags full of cash and juicy buttocks.

“Seems like a small price to pay for the rejuvenation of our economy,” said Derek Banks a loan shark from New Cross Gate.

For lesser crimes the police will simply creep up behind the criminal and whisper ‘click’ … to simulate the sound of handcuffs which have been confiscated from the force and melted down to help build the stadium on time.