One Direction revealed to be Justin Bieber’s Horcruxes

Bieber horcrux

Teenage boy-band One Direction are in hiding this evening after Justin Bieber revealed that they are, in fact, his horcruxes, pieces of his maimed soul separated from his body following his murder of the music industry.

In an exclusive interview with J-14 magazine, Mr. Bieber disclosed that his minders thought he had died after his attempt at singing Brown Sugar, in order to vanquishing The Rolling Stones, backfired. “No one told me that Keith Richards was literally immortal. The curse rebounded and left me a shell of my former self.