Oreo to buy every single Round Black object on the planet!

Oreo total eclipseTaking the Biscuit!

Do you own anything black and round that might in some tenuous way resemble an Oreo biscuit?

Then you might be sitting on a fortune.

Oreo are buying every single round, black object on the planet so that they can prevent anyone else who sells black round things using them in their commercials.

Oreo buys the rights to the next solar eclipse!

In fact…why stop at Earth? Yes, you read it correctly, Oreo have bought the next solar eclipse…it will be an Oreo Eclipse and will have the word Oreo written across it using a big lazer gizmo bought from the Russians (they used it to convert sick cows into Uranium pellets back in the 1990’s).

If you’re black, they’ll rent your head!

Yes, if you’re black then, the chances are some part of your body is both black and round.

In most cases this is your head…and you’ll be getting a letter in the next couple of weeks offering you an obscene amount of money to rent your head on a 99year lease for future commercial real estate.

But how can Oreo afford this?

Simple…they’re dentists!

Yes, the genius behind the Oreo machine was revealed this week when they announced that 90% of their revenue comes from dentistry…and nothing rots teeth like an unhealthy obsession with cookies!

*This article was paid for with the proceeds from selling every lens cap and pontefract cake in the building to the Oreo guy who called yesterday morning!

Bernard Floater

Bernard Floater

Keep it brief...my prostate is weeping! - Author Bio

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