Peruvian authorities looking into the mass death of 500 sea lions are investigating a bizarre theory that they were murdered by angry penguins in retaliation for years of sexual harassment.
Recent footage of a seal ass-fucking a penguin (Watch a seal fucking a penguin here!) has caused outrage across the globe, especially to fans of happy feet and Pingu.
Whilst there is little evidence to prove it was penguins the other theory; namely that they committed suicide after failing to loose weight in the build up to Christmas, is even less likely.
The penguins were unavailable to comment but grafitti left on the rocks near the murder scene is highly incriminating with such slogans as; ‘We will Seal your doom’, ‘See how you like it from behind!’ and ‘My arse hurts so I’m going to fucking kill the lot of you!’
The case continues…