Pippa Middleton Flavoured Condoms

It is hard to say which is the more vexing question

1) How does one prove that a condom tastes like Pippa Middleton?

or

2) Surely the only person who’s gonna taste a condom is … well, a woman or a homosexual man…neither of which would want to know what the Dutchess of Cambridge’s sister tastes of.

The market is narrowed down to bisexuals and people who just eat condoms instead of chewing gum because they don’t stick to the pavement.

Either way, rubber with the royal bouquet is now widely available and they’re flying off the shelves.

The Middleton family are distancing themselves from the whole affair saying it is ‘Complete Balderdash!’

There is, of course, no evidence whatsover that the flavour is correct. None of her ex boyfriends have come forward to sample the flavoursome family-planners and verify authenticity!

A spokesperson for ‘Muckbag’ the makers of the condom said that the flavour was obtained by various means which cannot be disclosed at this time.

It is widely believed that Muckbag’s undercover employees have been swabbing toilet seats in search of the flavour.

This revelation leads us to believe that these Jubilee Johnnies might well taste of turd.

Our sex correspondent Bennet Bangawhalla took the taste test and as far as he’s concerned they get the thumbs up!

However, Bennet’s tastebuds are not known for their accuracy, which might explain his rather disgusting habit of eating skin from the souls of his feet.