Plaque Rise to Catford

Teeth RIP

Teeth RIP

Tooth decay in Catford is so bad that there are no longer any teeth left in the town, and that includes dogs. The last Catford tooth rotted away last night making it the latest of London’s ‘Gum Slums’. The rise of the Gum Slum is a recent phenomenon but it is gathering pace. Ever since the people of Archway reported that there were four postal districts without a single tooth. Despite the name, Gum Slums are not peculiar to poorer areas. Wealthy Highgate also suffered the same fate only a month later. Scientists at Sevenoaks University lead by Dr Brian Wolftrousers have linked the disappearance of teeth to the similar drop in Bee numbers, how they do this is unclear.

Another theory suggest that the decrease in teeth is directly proportional to the increase in Blue Plaque, a substance found on walls. Blue Plaques are popping up all over London, apparently they have something to do with houses that used to belong to famous people, but beware they are bad for your teeth. If sucked or gnawed for prolonged periods the Blue Plaques will slowly but surely destroy your teeth. For those areas of London yet to receive Gum Slum status … you have been warned!

A soup kitchen has been setup in Catford, because that’s just about the only thing they can eat now!