Pol Pot Cannot be Deported from Essex because he owns Pet Spider

It has emerged that the government has been unable to deport three international mass murderers because EU Human Rights laws say they must provide care for their household pets.

Home Secretary Theresa May has made an attempt to remove three men accused of mass genocide but EU law states that the move is in violation of their basic human rights to provide for their domestic animals.

In a story first broken by the Daily Mail, Vlad the Impaler, Genghis Khan and Pol Pot have all had their deportation notices revoked and are currently living in Harlow, Essex, claiming housing benefit, job seekers allowance and generally living the life of Riley.

Vlad the Impaler has provided evidence that he has a pet gerbil that needs daily feeding and weekly cleaning out of its cage. Genghis Khan has a pet goldfish and Pol Pot has a pet spider in a match box that needs ‘general loving care’.

Lord Chancellor and Justice Secretary Sir Kenneth Clarke said the state of affairs is a complete outrage. He remarked ‘the rule should only apply for animals that require owners to have a pet licence and there has been no evidence provided to date that Genghis Khan has an up-to-date, valid goldfish license’.

The Daily Mail has further revealed that Mrs Miggins’ Donkey Sanctuary in Dorset is providing a haven for dole -claiming foreign donkeys seeking political sanctuary in Britain.

Mail Editor, Winston Nelson, said ‘hundreds of these animals are making a bee line for Britain as they know they’ll get a special carrot allowance and be allowed top quality hay and finest sugar lumps at the tax payers’ expense. British donkeys are once again being sidelined due to EU bureaucracy’.

Nick Griffin, leader of the British National Party stated that the party was currently consulting with its membership regarding its policy on repatriation of foreign horses, donkeys and other beasts of burden.

 

(with thanks to Matt Hill for providing an idea for donkey sanctuary)