Poo-Timing Manager thrown out of Window!

Poo-timing manager - looking at watch

Poo-timing manager – looking at watch

There are many ways to be a good manager, and plenty of ways to be a complete asshole at it.

Management is like the force, the dark side is quicker, easier and more seductive but there can be a terrible price for following that path.

Brian Plith from City firm Bakins & Fyfe, a well respected merchant bank, was today recovering in hospital after being thrown from a fourth floor window.

His crime?


Poo-timing (looking at your watch disapprovingly as employees return from the toilet) is an ancient practice that was originally used as a punishment for alcoholic gladiators in ancient Rome.

However it has crept into the modern work place and is as likely to make your team hate your fucking guts as anything.

Check any book you like, read any scientific report…all will stop short of giving an average acceptible time for passing a stool into water.

So many factors come into play with a turd, it maybe too hard to pass easily, too soft to wipe quickly or so sexy that it needs to be followed by a wank.

Wherever you work, read the contract, you’ll find no guidelines about how long you are entitled to spend taking a shit.

So, poo-timing makes no sense, so why do people keep doing it?

They do it because it kills the happiness of a visit to the toilet.

That elated feeling of locking the cubicle door and sitting down to fiddle with your phone while gravity and precise muscle control teaseĀ  out the mung.

The rush of endorphins as your bowel empties.

All that magic is killed by a sour poo-timing face!

Even the government have admitted that poo-timing, like fox hunting, bear bating and fish-dynamiting is outdated and barbaric, as yet there is no legislation in place to protect the most special time of the day for anyone with a really boring job.

Mr Plith was lucky to survive the attack and yet his employees will not face prosecution because he is a complete dick.

Are you?


Posted by on December 20, 2012. Filed under Haddock Culture, Haddock UK. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.