Porn and Bread: Shaggable Toast to replace morning Sex!

Sex Toast

Sex Toast

Ask yourself this question; what is wrong with toast and why isnt it doing it for me?

Well, one company from the North of England seems to think it’s because you can’t shag it!

Having last year wowed the consumer with jam-filled croissants that look almost exactly like grilled lady-parts, they have now gone a step further by inventing a range of pop-tarts designed to be warmed up in toasters and shagged.

Bill Wakeman is chief product designer at Sex For Breakfast Ltd.

“We spoke to a cross section of society and concluded from our research that many relationships suffer from a lack of mutual hornyness at certain times of day.” he told The Haddock. “Some people don’t like to have sex in the morning for a variety of reasons from grumpiness to bad breath.”

He went on to explain that the obvious alternative to shagging your partner would be to get it on with your breakfast.

There are various varieties of sex toast available including a special extra crusty mini-baguette for anal relief .

In the interests of good journalism the Haddock News team tried out the full range with varying results.

Personally I found them to be a little scratchy like masturbating with scouring pad, but The Baron has yet to emerge from the toilets having shagged and then eaten four rounds!