“Ladies and Gentlemen…we got them!” This was the proud announcement at a press conference held this morning before the world’s media by UK Police.
After an investigation lasting 46 years (since 1968 when Post-it notes were invented) the criminal mastermind behind the theft of over fifteen billion Post-it pads from offices across the globe has finally been apprehended.
Dawn raids at addresses in over 200 countries have led to the recovery of at least 90% of the world’s stolen Post-it notes.
This news may come as a shock to many people and police hope that it may go some way to reconciling acrimony amongst office workers who have (falsely as it turns out) accused their colleagues of stealing their Post-it pads.
But how did they manage to steal the notes without being caught?
The answer is middle management, again!
Middle management are so bland and unassuming that the Ministry of Defence use them as consultants in the development of urban camouflage!
Dressed in silk ‘Simpsons’ ties, Loafers and non-iron shirts these social chameleon’s charmed their way into office blocks, factories and retail outlets all over the world, only to fill their sacks with Post-it notes when nobody was looking.
Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes, and it’s usually more plausible too!
Information gleaned from the Post-it gang has yielded leads in the search for organisation known only as ‘Hose’who have been stealing single socks from houses for upwards of a thousand years.
In addition to this the owners of the fabled ‘Teaspoon Island’ where missing teaspoons have been deposited by thieves for centuries are believed to be close to apprehension.
Meanwhile, the team who caught the Post-it gang have said that now the slow and painful task of returning each pad to its original owner must begin.