Schools to Teach Protesting Skills!

“I learned so much more than I have in ten years of school!” beamed Patsy Jodhpur, a public schoolgirl from Buckinghamshire after spending the day marching the streets of London shouting expletives at anyone in a suit. “I found out what banks are and discovered how nastiness has helped me become a burden on society… I feel truly enlightened.”

Stories like this have lead education minister Michael Gove to consider Protesting lessons for the UK curriculum.

“I appreciate that they’re doing it because they hate me and everything my party represents, but when you’re in my position you have take a wider view. Ultimately it will make them enjoy school more and that means they’ll work hard, pass exams and stand a good chance of becoming tax payers, voters and nice useful citizens.” He may of said rubbing his hands together. “And lets face it, an hour of marching up and down and seeing the real world beats double bloody French any day!” He might of added. “And the French… what’s that all about anyway?” Perhaps he tried to say before being rugby tackled off his stool by a couple of large men wearing ear pieces and blue rosettes.

From September children in the UK will be taught how to walk along shouting, fall over and make it look like a policeman pushed them, hide a can of beer when walking past CCTV cameras and paint slogans with feces. Optional classes in defacing public monuments and storming into the house of commons screaming wildly will be offered to the most gifted students or those with rich parents.