Puppet Relief: The worrying rise of glove-puppet masturbation!

A_Sock_PuppetA worrying trend known as ‘puppet relief’ has begun to emerge over recent months.

More and more sexually frustrated men and women have taken to masturbating whilst wearing a hand puppet.

Apparently this is an alternative to the old ‘sleepy hand’ technique where one would lie on their left hand until it went numb and then attempt to masturbate with it to simulate being jacked off by someone else.

“Puppet relief has drama!” Said Winston Percival of the ‘Glove Love’ foundation. “It incorporates role play, narcissism, master-and-servant plus a whole range of new sensations. Some users like to bathe with their puppet afterwards.” He added.

So this all sounds a bit harmless right? Wrong!

Did you know, puppets have a union? Oh yes, and the union bosses are  none to happy about this mistreatment of their members.

Already they have begun lobbying Henson for funds to launch an advertising campaign to highlight the plight of mistreated puppets who are forced into the hand-sex trade.

“Puppets need proper representation,” Said Bill Tway of the National Union for Mistreated Puppets, Toys and Yo-Yos (N.U.M.P.T.Y.) “We feel that these bastards are putting words into their mouths, not allowing the puppets to speak for themselves! Just because puppets are unable to speak unless someone puts a hand up their ass and starts talking, it don’t mean they are consenting ┬áto be a glorified love sock!”

Currently the matter is being reviewed by Messrs Waldorf and Stadler QC of the United States Justice department.

Here’s hoping they can pull a few strings!

Dr Johannesburg Swivel Posted by on January 12, 2014. Filed under Haddock Culture, Haddock World, Repost. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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