Queen to wear ‘Bullet Proof Bra’ during her speech!

The Queen's bulletproof Bra

The Queen's bulletproof Bra

The Queen will be wearing a bullet proof bra today when she adresses parliament.

The current political situation in Europe and the Middle East has made targets of us all and her majesty is no exception.

The sovereign is said to be unhappy about the arrangement but will go along with whatever her security team says as her survival is in the interests of the public good ie. to keep Charles off the throne as long as possible.

The original plan was to give her a dress made entirely from woven kevlar which would have been completely bullet proof but it turned out too be heavy, uncomfortable and inelegant.

The royal bosom, behind which the royal heart and lungs preside, is seen as the key area to protect and so this plan was hatched by MI6.

Her majesty’s head is also well protected as she has worn bullet proof bifocals for some years now, her crown also contains an airbag which instantly forms a shield at the sound of a gunshot (which is why she doesn’t wear it during the 21 gun birthday salute).

The bra is made from woven kevlar with super light and immensely strong silicon-carbide disks around the nipple area (currently near her majesty’s midriff).

In addition to this she will be surrounded by the usual tight security and a fake robot corgi which doubles up as a shoulder to air misslie launcher.

Prince Philip will be wearing a suit made from wool or something.