A new law says that landowners must put condoms on all male rabbits running free on their property.
Rabbits are not catholic and can therefore wear condoms without recourse to excommunication!
However many landowners,particularily overworked farmers, have said that they don’t have time to do this.
“It’s hard enough to find the bloody things, then you’ve got to ‘fluff’ em up and get it to stay on and it only lasts for one bloody shag anyway!” Said Reg Parker a farmer from Somerset.
In response to these complaints the government have setup a series of workshops in which participants are trained how to quickly bring a rabbit to full erection and apply the condom properly so that it doesn’t ping off.
Many argue that the rabbits should just be shot but this doesn’t seem to have worked thus far.
“All that violence just makes them randy!” Said Phylis Bates, a veterinary scientist from Oxford University. “In just the same way that war films get me damp, all the gunfire magnifies their survival instinct causing them to copulate uncontrollably!”
It’s true, one experiment showed that rabbits exposed to such stressful situations can actually give birth whilst being born and having sex at the same time!
So the farmers have no choice!
Rabbits need to be controlled or we’ll run out of carrots…is that a price we’re prepared to pay?
I think not!