Red Nosey Bastards!

Red Nose Day is almost upon us and across the country companies and other organisations will be taking time out from their busy work schedules in order to raise money for Pudsey (sic). British soldiers in Afghanistan will be taking part in a sponsored Pantomime Cow day, dressing up in the ubiquitous two man costume to patrol dangerous areas of Helmund and carry out bomb disposal duty, mooing loudly in order to show their support for the cause. Meanwhile counsellors at a rape crisis centre in Bedford will be organising a ‘pound panic’ event by which they charge the sum of a pound ‘penalty’ whenever they successfully make another person jump by leaping out from behind a door or enclosed space and shouting ‘Boo!’ at the top of their voice. In Wolverhampton, staff at the British Gas customer service call centre will be holding a twenty-four hour sponsored silence to raise funds. This follows on from a similar silence two years ago during which customer satisfaction increased some 25%. In the Far East, the five hundred staff at the Primark sweat shop in the Xiang-Sing province have agreed to donate half their weekly wages to the cause in a move that looks set to raise a combined total of almost £37.25. Praising the fundraisers, one of the main sponsors of the event, Gazillion Buckwell of drinks retailer Clusterbomb told The Haddock; “This is a wonderful opportunity for us all to get silly and do our bit for charity. All these organisations and celebrities have given their time up for free, there really is nothing else in it for us at all. And just like the new Clusterbomb 45% proof apple vodka which, for a limited time only is priced at just £5 for a litre just in time for the Easter Holidays, this event looks set to be fruity, tangy and fun for the entire family.â€