What a Relief! A Blow-Job Computer!

Gobble - The Blow Job ComputerPro-Marriage Lobby warn against Blow-Job Computer!

Advocates of the sanctity of marriage have given the strongest indication yet that they may well resort to violence if plans to release a computer that can perform blow jobs go ahead.

Nebraska based ‘Gobble Computers’ have developed a machine capable of simulating the act of mouth love, traditionally unpopular amongst women due to male grooming issues.

Benny Winters, CEO of Gobble Computers says his invention is a ‘one-off’.

“There’s no other machine like it,” he told Haddock News reporter Fairfax Hake. “It can blow you all day without complaining, spitting, or pointing out that your dick is no larger than a weasels thumb!”

This should come as a welcome relief to many men who find it hard to ask their partners or even their pets to impart oral happiness.

“Nobody’s ever sucked ma dick!” Said Buck Smith, a logger who we pulled over and asked a very personal question (purely on the basis that his body odour was able to pass through glass).

Buck doesn’t own a computer, nor does he know what electricity is, but many lonely men do and the Gobble computer will hopefully alleviate their frustration.

But what of married couples?

If a computer can do the one thing that a woman keeps in her arsenal for when all else fails…will this spell the end for nuptial bliss?

If it’s progress then why not?