It appears that the geneticists of the Jens Kluger School for Applied Physiology are not particularly happy people. Here’s an excerpt from their latest report, published in the peer-reviewed scientific journal “Scientific Review by Glautner’s”:
Look, we’re done here. There is no causal link between smoking, butter, cancer, or homeownership and genetics, because genetics is bullshit. At least 70% of this stuff has got to be bullshit. We stand by these claims, and can’t wait to start our new careers in the botany department of some other university.
The department has been under a great deal of stress as of late, worried tirelessly over the effects of the United States “fiscal cliff” negotiations and their affect upon the stability of the genetics industry. As such, they’ve become somewhat cranky, and are making wild claims in respectable publications.
The same piece in Glautner’s continues, taking the inflammatory language a step further, specifically targeting the DNA sequence mapping known as the “human genome”:
The reason why genetics is at least 70% bullshit has a lot to do with the human genome. Because that is like, just a ridiculous thing. It’s not at all real. Have you ever tried to read it? It makes no sense.
And I’m one of the authors of it! We were hopped up on latte’s and rock candy the entire time!
The report, formally titled “Connections Between Genetics and Nothing Else Because It’s Not a Real Thing,” has drawn a sharp criticism from the international academia. When asked for comment, Dean of the Kluger school Henrik Nielson stated simply that “Iceland is a wonderful country, but even we are not immune from a little shame now and then. The difference is, we fix the shame, and go back to being amazing once again. That is where other countries fail. Come back in two weeks, everything will be a-okay.”