Richard III DNA turns lab Monkey into insane Horse-Thief!

The likelihood of remains found near Bosworth belonging to disgraced English King Richard III increased dramatically yesterday after DNA from the skeleton was injected into a monkey.

Gavin, a colobus monkey who, up until now had been a mild-mannered animal with a fondness for bananas and masturbating in front of a stainless steel mirror, took a bit of a funny turn after the procedure .

Simon Jones, a technician at the lab, explains what happened.

“He went fucking crazy!” Said Mr Jones, curling his hair around one finger and winking uncontrollably. “I don’t like monkeys at the best of times but this…”

Mr Jones was unable to finish the interview because he died rather suddenly. We won’t bore you with the details.

His colleague, Jennifer Filks, takes up the story where he left off.

“He went fucking crazy!” She confirmed. “He started screaming, grew a huge hump on his back, broke out of his cage, jumped out of the window and stole a horse!”

Gavin was last seen galloping off into the sunset laughing maniacally.

“This is a hugely exciting development!” Said Miles Clay from the Richard III Society. “I mean, what more proof do you need?”

A team of scientists in Berlin who have been working to try and prove that burned remains found in a Bunker in 1945 are those of Adolph Hitler are said to be very interested in the technique.

…Oh shit

Posted by on February 4, 2013. Filed under Haddock History, Haddock Science, Haddock UK. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.