A band of enraged Guardian Readers are roaming the streets of Knightsbridge this evening in search of Tyrone Noose, one of their number who accidentally admitted to voting conservative at the last election. Witnesses describe scenes reminiscent of a wild west lynch mob conducting house by house searches for the right wing traitor. According to one man, reading the Guardian and voting conservative was a bit like working for Google and spending your holidays with Hosni Mubarak!
If found Mr Noose faces an uncertain fate. Rumour has it there is a bonfire being constructed entirely from copies of the Daily Mail upon which he will be sacrificed to the God of Socialism, whomever or whatever that may be.
The truth was discovered after Tyrone found himself the worse for a few drinks and thirsty for a few more. The only person in the bar buying was a stockbroker named Cyril A Way. He agreed to buy Tyrone a bottle of Smirnoff Ice in return for the truth about whom he voted for. It was a setup. Cyril was a stooge. His real name is Seth Righteous … a hermit and former editor of the Socialist worker.
Any other Guardian readers who voted this way, beware. Stings are being setup all over the country to root you out and burn you on a pyre of right wing tabloid evil! The best advice we can give you is to read The Haddock instead. We pride ourselves on having no political bent and no bent politicians … gibberish knows no master! Hurrah!