Reported sightings of a rogue milk float, bearing the epithet â€˜Milk not Moneyâ€™ multiplied across the City of London today, as workers streamed out of their offices in droves, shouting vigorous anti-capitalist slogans of the like not heard of since Gordon Brown visited the local Marxist Toddlers Playgroup in his erstwhile constituency last year.
The float is rumoured to be behind a subversive movement to pastoralise City workers, in a happenstance more lurid and sinister than anything that could be dreamed up by the pen of Steven Moffat. Workers encountering the float are suddenly filled with an uncontrollable desire to swipe a pint of gold top, argue over the cream at the â€˜top of the milkâ€™ and loll around on hay bales, abandoning all thought of their recent slavery to the Godlike figures of Mervyn King and that behemoth of UK capitalism, THE INVESTMENT BANK.
It is understood that splinter groups of City workers have occupied the Monument, and plan to launch a dastardly counter-attack into deepest rural Essex. Rumours abound that this will involve a small private jet, which will swoop down on local farming establishments, dousing inhabitants and livestock alike with liberal amounts of Krug â€™97 and â€˜loss of social conscienceâ€™. Thus this would lead to a restoration of City drones following an influx from the Home Counties.
Workers are urged to avoid confronting the milk float at all costs and the Bank of England have called urgent crisis talks to try to contain the threat of widespread milky goodwill â€“ the fear is that the float will commence distribution of hot milk and cookies once sun sets today, which could lead to further economic disaster, and even feudalism. A giant net is currently being constructed to capture the float and contain its destructive powers for the good of the economic future of the UK.
â€˜The BBCâ€™s Robert Peston was unavailable for commentâ€™