Romance is Dead, and Women Want it that Way

I am woman, hear me roar! Roar for action movies and racist football chants!

It seems for the past century men have been getting it oh so wrong when it comes to the treatment of the fairer sex. New surveys reveal that what women want most is, not a romantic dinner and a cuddle, but rather a pint of beer, a slap on the bum, and to be treated like one of the lads. Gone are the days of chivalry, romance and any sense of decorum because women want complete equality, taking the good bits as well as the bad. The truth is finally out!

Stefanny Bumblin, a typical woman with no time for romantic, girly nonsense, described what the results of the national survey meant to her: “I don’t see it as a problem really; I’d shove a pair of tube socks down me knickers if I thought it would be a step in the right direction for the woman’s cause. I really just like biscuits, a nice game of Scrabble, and a bog roll that goes over, not under. Why would anyone want it go under? Why make things harder on yourself?”

Many gender-specific businesses such as flower venders and lingerie shops have called for an investigation into the survey’s legitimacy, and, if it’s actually true, that more men come out of the closet as homosexuals, lest they go out of business altogether and be forced into work a vinyl manufacturers, specializing in polycarbonate wall covering, or airline pilots. Or maybe they could all form cricket leagues? Look the whole thing is rather sudden, give the market time to think for Christ sake!

Haddock News would like to congratulate female’s everywhere for making their desires known in a clear, straight-forward manner. Keep any eye out for Haddock Publishing’s forthcoming relationship guide Men are from Mars, Women are Also from Mars (Just with A Hole Down There) due out early next year!