Experts at Cern were left dumbfounded when they heard the news that Samsung had managed to squeeze 27 km of giant super machine into a device no larger than an iPad and just to add insult to injury, it’s also a phone!
In fact the new device dubbed the ‘Higgsphone’ is capable of unravelling the secrets of the universe by blasting sub atomic particles into one another at the speed of light generating temperatures greater than those at the centre of the sun, plus a fog of nano-black holes without even interrupting your game of temple run!
“It’s just really fucking irritating when they do this!” Said Dr Heinz Pipefvelt who, up until now, had to take an elevator to the centre of a mountain and do his work in a super cooled chamber which cost upwards of 22 billion euros. “Whilst I cannot stand in the way of progress it does make us look like a bunch of twats and that’s simply not on!”
An unusual choice of words you might think for a German but prolonged exposure to the Higgs-Boson Particle can change a man.
There is also concern that children may come into possession of the tablet and, according to experts at Oxford University, there is a slight risk that swiping the App too hard may cause a tear in the space-time continuum thus destabilising the universe and causing a parallel time shift which could bring back the dinosaurs without warning.
They would like to emphasise this is only a slight risk, no more than one in ten.
Samsung are un phased by these concerns and are already developing hand-held versions of nuclear reactors, crop-dusters and a phone which doubles up as a defibrillator!
What a marvellous modern age we live in!