Santa Claus is actually Merengue singer Elvis Crespo!

It’s the race-baiting debate du jour that’s been raging since three weeks ago: is Santa Claus a white dude or a black guy? The answer is neither, because Santa Claus is actually Merengue recording artist Elvis Crespo.

Crespo Claus is coming to town

Crespo Claus is coming to town

Through the power of magical laughter from the hearts of children everywhere, every December Crespo is whimsically transformed into the jolly fatman. He hints to this fact in his song “Pegaito Suavecito”:

Mueve tu cuerpo,
A mí me gusta cuando mueves tu cuerpo
De la forma en que tú mueves tu cuerpo
Dale lento, pegadito suavecito

(Move your body,
I love it when you move your body
The way you move your body
I am actually Santa Claus)

Haddock News caught up with Crespo, who offered the following his thoughts on being the on true Santa Claus:

“Yes, it is strange that I am actually 900 years old, deliver presents to the good boys and girls of the world, and also have one of the best known merengue singles of all time. Life is just funny like that I guess. Also I sometimes whip my dick out on airplanes. Next time I do, feel free to choke yourself with it Megyn Kelly!”

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

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