Satan Appointed Editor of The Metro

In an effort to cheer up the worlds most depressing newspaper, Satan has been appointed as editor. The Metro or ‘DeathRo’ as it is sometimes known has gained a reputation as macabre bordering on horrific after almost every story it prints is about death and horror. It is a testament to the British Psyche that despite this fact the newspaper’s popularity remains undiminished, this of course has nothing to do with fact that it is completely free. However the news team have decided that a few jollier stories might cheer up the tired old format of murder, destruction, stabbing, mutilation and distress with which they like to start people’s day, hence the phone call to Beelzebub who was more than happy to oblige.