Scientists uncover new links between Exercise and Dementia

Dementia Excercise

Scientists in the UK have uncovered new links between exercise and brain chemistry associated with dementia. The serious, occasionaly fatal, loss of cognitive ability is often linked with the aging process, effecting both sexes in their late 30s and early 40s and onwards.

The research reveals that an increasingly large number of people whose idea of exercise was lifting their feet whilst their partner hoovers, or stretching to put their socks on, are now engaging in sporting and exercise activities which they last performed unwillingly during their school days.

Distant memories of taut, young bodies before the ongoing middle-age-spread left the ability to view their own genitalia as little more than a vague recollection appear to have caused a mental retardation within the individual leading to delusions of grandeur and the belief that “a couple of hours running will do me the world of good”.

In severe cases individuals may believe that joining a gym (a kind of wildlife preserve for bodily exertion and over-production of testosterone) is the solution to all of their life’s problems, including promotion within their stagnant working life and becoming attractive to persons of the opposite sex or chosen gender within the gender binary.

You would be surprised what two hours of daily exercise and five hundred stomach crunches can do for you”, stated one smugfaced 42 year old Junior Accounts Manager from his hospital bed.

The research reveals that previously sane individuals are attempting overly strenuous activities such as aerobics, stretching, cycling, muscle strengthening or in some cases yoga. NHS records for the year show that numbers of wheezing, podgy 40-Somethings treated for extreme muscle damage to be up by 27% from last year.