Riot police were yesterday forced to intervene after a crowd of over fifteen thousand hysterical women caused chaos at the gala opening of a new World of Warcraft store in Chelmsford, attended by some of the industry’s biggest stars.
The arrival of five time ‘Orc-Master,’ and twenty-five stone hunk Hamish ‘Grease-Face’ Sinclair created a surge on the barriers which saw over fifteen girls treated by the St John’s Ambulance for minor injuries whilst another, unnamed female was arrested after stripping naked and skirting around a police cordon to literally throw herself at the feet of the current ‘Thor’s Axe’ holder Neville ‘BO’ Westone.
On the A12 road to London, traffic ground to a halt after one misguided teen stood atop a bridge and threatened to throw herself off unless she received a phone call from her idol, Iron-Mallet hall of fame inductee Fromsworth ‘Mummy’s Boy’ Beeblehump.
Mr Beeblehump subsequently obliged the girl with a five minute call during which he promised to send her a signed photo of his ‘plasma dwarf’ if she promised to come down.
Forced to wear earplugs in order to cope with the deafening screams, the Chief Constable of Essex Police Wallington Timoutbar later admitted it had been a mistake to allow so many of the reclusive sociopath sex gods to congregate in the same place at any given time.
Said Mr Timoutbar; “With hindsight we should of course have realised that the presence of such charismatic, go-getting pussy magnets could only have led to disaster and we are now expecting a surge in divorce rates and demand for midwifery services after a multitude of our fair womenfolk become pregnant just by looking at these studs.”
In other news a fire which broke out in a discothèque before spreading to a nearby Taco Bell restaurant was last night being blamed on a ‘high voltage’ surge originating from the Gates of Hell night club in the city’s east end.