American presidential candidate Mitt Romney caused quite a stir yesterday after comments made about London’s readiness for the Olympic Games. With the glaring international relations gaff freshly lingering in the air, political rival, mediocre basketball player and current president Barack Obama seized the opportunity to get the leg up on Mr. Romney. London, prepare for Seal Team 6 pandemonium!
In a statement from the rose garden, the president remarked that “with the questions raised over the security of the event, staffing and other considerations, I feel it prudent to send in the Seals. Also, I guarantee my boys are better entertainers than the acrobats, recreational vehicles, uh.. alfalfa, sprouts.. I don’t really know what you people do at these kind of things.”
Seal Team 6, though best known for the take-down of terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden, is a unit of many talents. Their tactical precision is unparalleled, their attention to detail is meticulous, their harmonies are fantastic (when performing in “Seal Team Barbor Shop Sextet” mode), and their tap dancing routines are world renown. One of the Seals also makes a minestrone soup that is as good if not better than Mama used to make.
The team plans to monitor regular security authorizations during the hours leading up to the opening ceremony. As the ceremony begins, the Seals will change into their performance attire: traditional cultural clothing from six different countries (to convey a “tapestry of nations” feel). The costumes are stunning; who knew that a dashiki could look so dapper when worn over a flack jacket and combat helmet? Mexico’s maraca-wielding lucha libre wrestler is a beautiful display of mixed-stereotyping.
Their song and dance routine is rumored to be choreographed to “Euphoria” by Swedish singer Loreen, winner of this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.
Spectators in London, keep an eye out for the Seals during the day; you won’t see them, but they’ll definitely see you!