Syria is fucked! It’s been fucked by its government. Lots of people are shaking hands and making speeches but from where I’m sitting they’re not making it any less fucked, they’re just telling us what we already know.
If you watched the six o’clock news you would have seen the main story was that Syria is fucked.
If you then watched the 10 o’clock news four hours later you may have noticed that it is still the headline and guess what?
It is STILL fucked!
Things are not moving fast enough!
What’s more, Syria is more fucked than it was a few weeks ago when the people who shake hands and make speeches were making speeches saying that things were getting worse and then shaking hands with people who agreed with them!
What is to be done about it?
What’s it gonna take to send in the hardware and completely screw the bastard who is fucking his country?
But Syria already has lots of oil.
Yeah? Not enough asshole!
If you want US and UK troops in there mowing down the bastard and his cronies with machine guns usually found on the side of an Afghan Gunship … you need oil, lots of it, tonnes of it, barrels of it, tankers of it … Oil is to war what piss is to butterflies!
If you want US Marine butterflies to fly in do bad things … you’d better make sure there’s plenty of piss for them to drink once the killing’s done!
What can you do to help?
Send all the oil you can find to Syria!
Cooking oil, baby oil, KY shagging lube, anything from L’oriel, goose fat, WD40, engine oil … Jeez you can scrape it off your teenage chilren’s faces and put it into a petri dish … just send it to the Syrians!
If we all send our oil to these poor people, the Military machine will smell it and go hunting!
Keep your eyes open because oil collection points will be appearing in a town near you soon.
Don’t give it all away though.. we’ll be asking you send some to Somalia and lots of other persecuted countries who get people with blue helmets and clipboards instead of Soldiers!