Ever wondered how it must feel for Lego people, living in a world made from the same stuff as their own body parts? They could, at any given moment, be pulled in half and dismembered, their head swapped for that of a snake…while their own dismembered head must keep smiling.
Try to imagine what your world would be like if your desk was made from blocks of chopped buttocks, or your car from bones and skin and organs! Fucking disgusting right?
Well, the tables have been turned.
It seems that mad scientists (yes, they exist in Eastern Europe and Idaho) have been giving lego people brains and nervous systems before releasing them into the wild.
What was began life as a fun and harmless experiment (Perhaps an attempt to regain the love of their children, lost after the kids witnessed spasms of violence and pet disembowelment when daddy left the door of the lab open) has turned into a living nightmare.
Left to their own devices the lego people have done what comes naturally to them; built stuff out of the same stuff that people are made of.
The problem is that in the forests of Latvia (lets pick Latvia as an example but it could be Idaho) there are no naturally occurring Lego blocks.
So the industrious little creatures looked around for the next best thing, something that broadly resembles their own form…namely; human flesh.
Several hair salons, a fire station, some super complex helicopters and a 1:25 scale Millennium Falcon have been found in the forests, all made from little blocks of human flesh carved from the corpses of unsuspecting woodland folk.
The mad scientists (who use their madness as a disclaimer for this sort of thing) claim to be utterly bemused by the homicidal acts which must have led to these gruesome architectural achievements.
In the meantime the Latvian (and possibly Idaho) police have begun a Lego Man-hunt issuing photo-fit images of a man with up to fifteen interchangeable heads, torsos and hairstyles.