Simon Cowell Announces: Despotic Idol

despot idol
Crowds of wannabe superstars from across the country have been queuing up to audition for the latest Simon Cowell reality talent show Despotic Idol.

Due to be broadcast during ITV1’s primetime schedule the show, hosted by Ant and Dec, will hope to follow up on Cowell’s previous runaway success by pitting ten finalists against one another, with the winner of the live vote in July being given the opportunity to lead a crack team of specialist troops in an amphibious and airborne invasion of the Isle of Mann.

Following weeks of tabloid speculation it was today confirmed that African warlord Robert Mugabe would join the all star
line up of judges alongside Cowell, retired Cuban dictator Fidel Castro and former New Kid’s on the Block lead singer Donnie Wahlberg.

Early favourites for the coveted title include Recruitio Openworld, a shelf stacker from Ormskirk who wowed the judges with his declaration the ‘Manx underlings will soon be crushed under the iron boot of my wrath,’ whilst 26 year old recruitment consultant Bugley Freshman promised to ‘make the waters of Douglas Bay run scarlet with the juice of my vengeance.’

However as usual there was the odd turkey as well with one contestant, 32 year old jobcentre employee Brittany Blatmap, drawing howls of derision from judges and the studio audience alike with her promises to set up a communal social democratic system of government based on firm Keynesian economic principles.