Govt Advice: Empty Cigarette Boxes are 100% Safe!

Britain will lead the way in the continuing war on smoking by insisting that cigarette packets contain absolutely no cigarettes. The government is due to announce tomorrow that from next year retailers will be forced to sell empty cartons containing no tobacco products whatsoever in a bid to cut down on the number of smoking related deaths in the UK. The Health Secretary (damn, who is the Health Secretary? Is it Dr Liam Fox? No, he’s in charge of defence, must be some ten-a-penny Lib-Dem nonentity) told The Haddock; “Its taken us a long time to realise but nobody can deny its a bit of a brainwave. We’ve tried health warnings, we’ve tried advertising bans and we’ve outlawed it in public places but suddenly the answer is clear – just take the fags out of the bloody packets and we’re laughing – problem solved!â€