Sochi will be ready for Winter Olympics sometime in mid-April

And...?!

And…?!

A great fracas has exploded across the internet regarding Sochi’s Olympic readiness. The bourgeois western media seems to have taken exception to the fact that, though the games have already begun, much of the area still resembles a town on the tail-end of a tornado recovery.

Oh, your hotel room doesn’t have running water? A bear has attacked your cameraman? What do you know about suffering?! Russians used to burn their currency for warmth while waiting on soup lines!

Maybe it’s your fault you fell down that open manhole!

Fear not, privileged journos who have never spent a night in Clearwater, Florida: Russian officials are committed to having Sochi in a liveable, Olympics-accommodating condition as soon as 18 or 19 weeks after the games conclude.

According to a statement from the Russian interior: “All competition facilities are complete. Except for putting in chairs, but that is happening this week. Most hotels have water in them, it is just unclear where it is. We will have a full infrastructure in place by the closing ceremony, and a short time after that, we’ll pull all funding and forget this clusterfuck ever happened.”

There. Now shut up and enjoy curling, you crybabies.

Author’s note: Western journalists, did you ever stop and think that maybe your circumstances are intentionally awful? I mean really, bellyaching about a country like Russia; a country where everything is wonderful and no one ever complains about anything! You ought to be ashamed, smuggling your complaintiness into the Olympics and forcing it on Russia’s children!

Sometimes I can’t believe that I’m actually one of you.

Bernard Floater

Bernard Floater

Keep it brief...my prostate is weeping! - Author Bio

More Posts