Sperm Banks illegally mis-sold Penis Protection Insurance!

Sperm Bank - PPI - The Haddock

It’s time to cry over spilled sperm

“Only a small fraction of society actually injure themselves wanking!”

Thousands of sperm donors could be in for a windfall this week as a government ruling on PPI’s (Penis Protection Insurance) policies deems them illegal and knowingly mis-sold.

The insurance was supposed to protect potential donors against the dangers of a ‘hurried delivery’ or overzealous mistreatment of the penis with a view to hasty ejaculation!

However, the insurance was mandatory and that’s the rub!

“Only a small fraction of society actually injure themselves wanking!” Said a spokesman for AW (Anonymous Wankers). “And most of the ones I’ve come across do it willfully and that’s not covered by the policy anyway!”

As many as 40 million Sperm PPI’s were forced upon witless masturbators who simply wanted to make a few pounds for a quick shuffle in a warm dry room!

“It’s disgraceful!” Said Bobbi Kane of the Penis Defence League (PDL). “You don’t get sold ear insurance just because you listen to shite music! You don’t get mouth insurance because you’re about to fellate someone! Why should this be different?”

The insurance companies have not come forward on this issue, it seems they’ve shrunk away from the prospect of intercourse on the subject.

“If anyone’s going to need Penis Protection Insurance it’s the Insurance companies!” Continued Mrs Kane. “After all, they’re a bunch of tight fisted wankers!”

*Management at The Haddock would like to apologise for the use of this hackneyed old joke, however we feel that this new setting breaths life back into it. However, under no circumstances did we write the entire piece purely on the basis of delivering such an infanitle punchline! That’s just not the way we do things here!