Scottish first minister Alex Salmond is determined to gain Scottish independence, primarily one would think so that he can be remembered not as a fat angry man who’s surname resembled that of a fish, but as a modern day William Wallace.
Although he doesn’t actually plan to slaughter the English he does hope that Scotland can break free of them, no matter how misguided that advice may be during;
a) A recession
b) A Eurocrisis in which marginalised smaller nations like Ireland, Greece, Portugal and perhaps now Scotland are the major casualties.
However, the government and the queen have strongly denied rumors that the recent decision to weld huge spikes onto one end of London Bridge is in any way related to the Scottish Referendum on Independence.
“It’s been on the cards for some time now,” said Don Pankhurst, newly appointed headsman for the Borough of Westminster. “Nothing to do with the Scottish being traitors or the oil or Faslane or …” A large man came and terminated the interview at that point.
Another government spokesperson told us that the only reason that the newly installed spikes have haggis’s on them is that they protect the metal.
In the mean time the spikes have been added as point of interest on the London open-top bus tour.
Reports that teams of workmen have been seen patching up Hadrian’s Wall have been strongly exaggerated according to Local Council officials in Northumberland.