Student Looses Pencil in Tuition Fees Riot!

Pencils

A student from UCL is suing London Metropolitan Police claiming that he lost a pencil during the riots last autumn. Benedict Voysey-Pemberton lost the writing implement whilst throwing a dustbin through a window in protest about the government’s plans to raise tuition fees. According to his statement, a policeman asked him to put the dustbin down and leave the area immediately. In following this advice he was distracted and dropped his pencil. Needless to say he has been unable to write anything since and has consequently been ejected from his university.

As compensation for this not insignificant setback to his educational career he is claiming £27 000 in damages (Coincidentally this is what it would cost to attend Oxford for three years).

This case is to be heard in conjunction with several other incidents believed to have taken place during the uprising. Two girls from Bangor are claiming for a broken nail and a lost hair scrunchie respectively. Ingmar Wilson from Exeter says he got quite out of breath when running with stolen police helmet and James Wellington from Birmingham apparently ran out of cigarettes whilst being questioned by police. According to lawyers represented the students these seemingly unforgivable breaches of their civil rights must be must not go unpunished and justice will prevail!