Superman fucking sucks as a blogger

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I'D RATHER BE ONLINE BITCHING ABOUT PITCHFORK ALBUM REVIEWS?!"

“DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I’D RATHER BE ONLINE BITCHING ABOUT PITCHFORK ALBUM REVIEWS?!”

As you may very well know if you’re a balding man in the IT Department of a mid-sized corporation which produces spatulas, Superman quit his job last year. His primary occupation: informing the public as to how bad shit is at any given time.

Indeed, Clark Kent resigned from his position as a print reporter in favor of taking to the blogosphere. What is a blogosphere? It’s science, idiot. And now it’s what Superman does from the comfort of his ice palace.

The only problem is that he isn’t any fucking good at it, apparently.

“If he writes one more article about how ‘life-changing’ season three of Breaking Bad is, I’m going to throw my computer out of a moving train,” claims a lady in Sweden.* “Recipes for Spicy Fajita Rolls?! Could you put the fucking cape on and do something interesting, please?!”

Here’s a post from February of this year:

February 10th, 2013 – I’ve recently decided that I need to know a lot more about Bocci. The little that I do know has created a ground-swell within me; the balls! Oh the balls! What do they mean? Is there scoring involved, or are we just having fun? Are we throwing caution to the wind as we toss our balls about? I can’t wait to share all that there is to know about this marvel of semi-physical sporting with you when you visit my website after Youtube becomes boring!

Sidenotes: I heard that a maniac with a Weather Machine is threatening to steal the Statue of Liberty. Also, I LOVE THAT ICONA POP SONG!!

Sad internet users – who could just as easily not read Kent’s blog but for some reason continue to do so – are begging Superman to stop telling the world about the pair of birds nesting in the herb garden on his windowsill. Others are urging him to maybe consider getting out of the lair a bit, and perhaps stopping man’s imminent destruction, as it is an ever-looming condition we seem to be facing as a species.

* – Where trains are plentiful.

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

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