Preparations for the Milano Moda Donna fashion show have been brought to a standstill after a pair of golden eagles snatched fourteen supermodels and fed them to their chicks.
Supermodels are very expensive and irritating but they are also extremely thin and light making it easy for birds of prey to carry them to their nests. This is why fat people do not fear eagles.
Organisers say they can replace the models (three of which were male) but first they plan to kill the eagles and serve their lungs as low fat canapés de Atkins.
However, golden eagles are a protected species and supermodels technically are not (they’re not even a species although they do share some unfortunate characteristics) so a plan to kill the birds has been put on hold while some men with beards (who’s girlfriends have very bushy vaginas) take a petition to someone.
In an attempt to prevent any more catwalk stars being eaten by local fauna they have been instructed to wear specially designed lead boots (by Jimmy Choo) and ‘lettuce’ jackets by Stella McCartney.
It has also be suggested that they eat a few pies making it harder for the birds to lift them off the ground.