Sylvia Browne is having trouble contacting herself in the afterlife

sylviabrowneBeing a world-renown psychic isn’t easy. You must be a completely giftless person who is both willing to make wildly inaccurate statements and have the ability to shrug off all criticism when your horseshit is taken to task.

If you possess these abilities and can also commit securities fraud, you’re probably Sylvia Browne.

A notoriously shameless television clairvoyant/bridge salesman, Sylvia entered the great beyond last Wednesday. In the words of her equally duplicitous college Craig Weiler, “her legacy will be that of a psychic ‘small’…as she could never pass as a medium.”

This is made evident by the fact that according to sources in the underworld, Ms. Browne is having trouble communicating there, even with herself.

“She concentrates really hard, pretending to be establishing some kind of supernatural connection to the spirit world,” claims a dead person with the misfortune of being in close proximity to Browne. “…except we’re already in the spirit world, and she’s still a complete idiot. Then she makes an erroneous claim about a still-living person being dead, and eats a chalupa. Let me be clear: we’re not in heaven.”

In life, Doo-doo Browne was known for rebutting her proven-false claims with the phrase “Only God is right all the time.” It’s good to know that she’s with him now. And that he’s smothering her with the skin of his ballsack.

For more on this dead huckster, click here.

Bernard Floater

Bernard Floater

Keep it brief...my prostate is weeping! - Author Bio

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