Tabloid Journalist Swallows the Queen’s Turd

This might be the Queen’s turd

A reporter for one of the UK’s leading tabloid publications was admitted to hospital this morning after ingesting what is thought to be one of the queen’s stools!

The man, who will remain nameless (for now), was trying to discover the true nature of Her Majesty’s recent illness by crawling down a sewer to take samples.

It seems that at some point during this ill conceived adventure he slipped up and got a mouth full of royal shit, enough apparently to half fill his stomach.

That’s a lot to swallow!

Despite this he was able to extricate himself from the sewer and crawl back to his van where he was hosed down by his accomplice.

However, at some point during the night he was taken ill, presumably having succumbed to the same illness as the head of state.

Royal turd tester ‘Phillipe Claveaux’ who’s job it is to taste the queen’s stools on a daily basis was said to be mildly amused by this news.

“He won’t understand the complex bouquet of Her Majesty’s movements!” Said Mr Claveuax who once drank urine passed by John Kennedy. “And without an expert’s help he has no way of telling which stool is hers anyway!”

The expert went on to say that he can recognise the bowel movements of over fifty heads of state on sight.

The journalist, who’s condition is described as ‘revolting’ will be appearing before a magistrate in Southwark Crown court as soon as he is able.