Ever found yourself at a party with a queue of people banging on the door while you struggle to pee? Or at a rock concert when you’re surrounded by pissed singing people, and you can’t get a drop out? There maybe an answer! A new treatment for men who suffer from ‘stage fright’ at the urinal is now available on the NHS. The revolutionary treatment involves using tear ducts removed from pigs and inserted into the end of your penis. The ducts, which are wired into your nervous system, just like those in your eyes, will force out liquid whenever you feel sad or anxious. So the emotional and psychological barrier which used to prevent you being able to urinate, will now have the opposite effect. The more embarrassed, worried and shameful you feel, the more piss comes out! There are only two reported side effects.
1) The ducts are quite large and tend to alter the appearance of your sexual apparatus … this maybe a good or a bad thing depending on what you had to begin with.
2) Every time you’re sad you’ll wet yourself. Best to try and stay happy … or wear nappies!