The Haddock Cultural Society Presents: A Brief Introduction to the Tango

Ah, the Tango. Pride of Scandinavia, it is that fiery combination of rhythm and soul which has accompanied great Polka music since it’s earliest days in rural Denmark. But what else does one need to know about the Tango in order to be a cultured and worldly individual? Literally tens of thousands of facts; a few of which are here. You yourself will never take the time to learn tens of thousands of facts about the Tango, and as such, shall never be a cultured or worldly individual.

The Tango involves a number of steps and body movement. Many don’t know it, as the Tango is sometimes known as the “forbidden dance.” To those people that do know the moves, it’s known as the “strongly encouraged dance,” and when the dance was in the Federal Witness Protection program, it was known as “Chet Baker,” and moved to a cottage community in northern Wyoming.

The Tango made headlines in the 2012 US Elections, as it was officially legalized by the state of Colorado, but still remains illegal at the federal level. Unrelated to that fact, President Obama’s fiscal policy has sometimes been referred to as the “Tango and Cash Growth Model.”

In England, a number of newspaper people were sentenced to perform a variant of traditional Denmarkian Tango called “Cell Block Tango” as punishment for those people privately performing the “Cell Tap Tango.” The Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is also a popular English variation.

Perhaps the most important thing to recognize about the Tangoing is that it is partly responsible for the movement of this planet’s tectonic plates. And that if it’s performed anywhere at a very specific time of the year, it can cause butterflies to flap their wings in Japan. That leads to some seriously weird shit.

Did You Know? …that this is also dancing?

The Haddock Cultural Society thanks itself for providing the public with such thought-provoking exhibitions of philanthropy. Thank yourself for taking an active role in pretending like you have an interest in broadening your cultural perspective. Wango Tango Soft-shell Crunch Supreme.