The Haddock: Latest Headlines!

Batting an Eyelid

Cricket  fans arrested after rumors that they were paid to stay awake during last summer’s test match against Pakistan.

Dig for Britain!

A controversial  government initiative has been launched which is believed to solve the fuel crisis and and problems caused by overcrowded graveyards at the same time.

Broad Minded!

Apparently the only thing restricting the size of the human brain is the width of the birth canal… an enterprising clinic in Utah is offering a service which may aleviate this problem…unfortunately it does lead to a drop in sensitivity during the act of love.  A hardware shop in fife is offering a similar service using car jacks.

Primary Colours!

A group of people the same colour as President Obama have formed an organisatoin called the “Beige Panthers”.

Bin Diving

A man diving at an undisclosed location in the Indian ocean has suffered a heart attack after apparently encountering the ghost of osama bin laden wandering aimlessly across the sea floor.

Hard Shoulder

Oxford street to recieve new ‘handbag Lane’

More later …