Haddock News is an international media network based in London, England with a US central command bureau in United State of Florida. The network is the brainchild of his demented excellency Baron Haddock. The Baron has a reputation of being a hybrid creature bred of Howard Hughes, Robert Downey Jr, and every character ever portrayed by Robert Downey Jr. A disgustingly rich lothario with money to burn; he has houses, cars, racehorses, high class hookers, gold blocks and fine quality cigars to burn. And frequently does. Just burn them, right in the fireplace. Not a cigar man.
The Baron is mystery wrapped in enigma. Wrapped in bacon. He is both omnipotent and distracted. Precise and obtuse. Everywhere and nowhere. Hansel and Gretel. He runs The Haddock in the same way that oligarch’s buy and run premiership football teams. The rest of the staff is much worse.
Because The Haddock cares about you enough to lie to you convincingly. #HaddockCares
Unlike other satirical publications (written by nameless ex-journo’s who often farm out their writing to starry eyed bloggers who’s ideas they cash in on) (or bulbs that are usually eaten over liver) (or the potatoes one) Haddock News is written and presented by a strange assortment of warped, mutated creatures with strong and often completely incorrect opinions. Or are they the most accurate of opinions? When is a raven like a writing desk?
Much like a choose your own adventure book, The Haddock let’s you decide what is real and what isn’t. Is that not exactly how a choose your own adventure book works? You make the call!
The front-line of The Haddock’s high quality bullshit reporting is written and presented by our primary correspondents at Haddock HQ in London:
Bernard Floater – Lead Anchor
Bennet Vindushali – American Hedonist in London
Dr Johannesburg Swivel – The Only Fish Finger Present During David Bowie and Mick Jagger’s Passionate Liaison
The Haddock News United States satellite bureau consists of:
Thinker St. James – Managing Director; Cultural Correspondent; Dickhole
Noroom F. Thumbo – A Coagulated Mass of Human Oddity. Dickhole.
We don’t have one…
What we do have is a vast amount of news, fish, culture, and chaos. We’ve got a sleeping giant’s worth of hysteria just waiting to be awoken. Awake the giant. Support the fish.