The Haddock turns down $1Billion Facebook Buy Out!

1 billion in cash - Facebook tries to buy The Haddock

1 billion in cash – Facebook tries to buy The Haddock

Thanks Mr Zuckerberg but No thanks!


Today The Haddock; Britain’s Premier Online Satirical Newspaper, turned down an offer of $1 Billion takeover bid from Social media giant Facebook!

Following advice given by Mr Zuckerberg himself the editors of The Haddock felt that such an offer, although very generous, just proves that they will go onto bigger and better things.

“He turned down a similar offer from Microsoft so we’re doing the same thing!” Said Baron Haddock at a press conference outside his Buckinghamshire pile this morning.

Followers of The Haddock might find this behavior rather odd since all other previous requests to the paper have either been death threats or offers to delete it from the Internet forever at no cost.

Currently valued at around £12 The Haddock may rue this decision and Facebook have categorically said that they will not offer it again, even if there are sexual incentives.

Other players are expected to enter the arena though.

There is a rumour that The Onion may try to buy The Haddock as part of an elaborate joke designed to show how un funny the British are.

Rupert Murdoch was also thinking about it until he read all the nasty nasty things they had written about him.

“You can’t put a price on satire!” Said Dr Johannesburg Swivel, a deviant fish-finger who writes for the paper. “There’s nowhere to stick it you see!” he added whilst removing the jump leads from his bread crumbed testicles.

However, there is believed to be discontent amongst the ranks of the paper as an intercepted email from American editor Thinker St James read:

“What? OMG What the fuck have you done you bunch of fucking British dickheads? A Billion dollars? No! If I could afford a ticket I’d fly over there and bite your teeth out!”

These people were friends until the subject of money came between them.

Facebook ruins another relationship.

Posted by on December 19, 2012. Filed under Haddock Business, Haddock Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.