A government think tank announced today that too many people in the UK think that they are right, in fact everyone thinks that they are right.
In principle there is nothing wrong with thinking you are right, the problems start when you disagree with other people who also think they are right.
In the UK almost everyone disagrees with everyone else and we all disagree with politicians (including politicians themselves) and this has led to an unworkable situation.
‘If nobody can agree on anything, then nothing will get done!’ said one MP who was immediately shouted down by angry back benchers who said he was talking bollocks.
A second think tank working in tandem with the first have modified this theory to suggest that the problem is actually that not enough people agree with one another.
To disagree is a basic human right but there might be some circumstances under which certain individuals (in key constituencies) might forgo the right to disagree, and even go one step further to say that they believe they are incorrect about certain things…in return for financial compensation.
A member of the opposition pointed out that this was tantamount to bribery but later amended his statement after having lunch with members of the treasury.
From next week the government will publish a list of opinions and the corresponding financial reward associated with agreeing or disagreeing with them.*
In this way they hope to gain some sort of consensus of opinion.
Having presented this theory to a number of focus groups the following results were published:
1) The subjects were unanimous in their support of financial reward for doing very little.
2) The government is amazing, the plan is brilliant and they are 100% behind it!
The government would like to point out that all the subjects were paid but only to ensure a genuine result.
*There will also be fines for anyone who disagrees with the statements!