There is much talk in the media about why posh public school toffs seem to be running the country and why salt of the earth chaps like Alan Johnson are leaving them to it? (BBC News 26.01.2011). Part of the problem seems to be that posh public schools seem to have little to do with education and more to do with dressing up as Victorians and joining clubs. The Haddock was able to obtain a copy of the curriculum from one of Britain’s top public schools Foppwooster Hall near Buckingham. To our utter surprise, instead of the traditional subjects we found that the students were studying ‘Monocle etiquette’ ‘Twirling brandy in a big glass’ ‘Vermin dismantling’ ‘Delegation invective’ and ‘the history of the wellington boot.’ Whilst traditional sports such as rugby and bullying were still in evidence, other options included ‘three positions reclining on a Chesterfield sofa’ ‘cutlery navigation’ and perhaps most worrying of all ‘breeding’.
Suffice to say that on the face of it, the pupils of Foppwooster will leave school totally unprepared for a normal life. Therefore, incapable of holding down a proper job, but unwilling to risk the inheritance by getting under their daddy’s feet, they have no choice but to occupy themselves during the day. Since the advent of training and the peace process, war is no longer an option for the upper classes. This leaves them little option but enter politics, a place which, since nobody votes anymore, has to some extent become a sort of holding pen for dandies where they feel safe from the public. God help us all!