New evidence has come to light that train delays in the UK are less to do with points failures and more to do with a political conspiracy. The theory suggests that by tweaking the train times the government can cause selective blackouts on certain political radio shows listened to by commuters with the help of tunnels. For example, were you to catch the 8.07 to Cannon Street from Sevenoaks you would encounter a long tunnel beneath the North Downs after about three minutes. Had you been listening to Radio 4’s Today programme on that train this morning you would have heard William Haig putting the case against proportional representation, whereas Nick Clegg’s response to his argument would have been wiped out by the tunnel. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Evidence collated by The Haddock suggests that these under-handed techniques have been employed for as long as people have been able to listen to the radio on trains and are at least partially responsible for a number of unexpected election results. Although there is no guarantee that every single train delay is due to this conspiracy, next time you catch a train that seems to slow down or speed up at peculiar times, switch on the radio and see who’s talking!