There are people who really like Donald Trump. So much so that no matter what he does, they can figure out a way to justify and support his actions. They sleep well at night, and drink milk through straws. Mental gymnastics are impressive, and god doesn’t exist. That all squared, let’s talk about Kanye West.
Kanye West is a rapper. Also, he is going to be the next president. This isn’t hard to understand, but some people insist on complicating the issue. Here are the reasons why the guy who interrupted Taylor Swift at some award show is going to be have his finger on the nuclear button:
Being a supporter of Donald Trump is literally the only qualification you need to meet in order to win over supporters of Donald Trump. You don’t need to be smart, you don’t need to have any background in diplomacy, you can stomp household pets to death, you can butcher coeds. It doesn’t matter. If you like the Donald, his fanbase likes you. And sadly, those people vote.
Becoming the most powerful person in America is now as simple as brand recognition. Kanye West sells a plain white t-shirt for over $100. His face is all over television screens. He eats steak off of strippers asses. Does he? Who the fuck cares, it sounds cool and I believe it. Celebrities are presidents, presidents are celebrities, the schools are closed the prison is open. Did you know he’s also the next Walt Disney? It’s true!
When you’re white, your opinions are automatically invalid. No matter what they are, you do not share the experiences of other races, and as such, they are the equivalent of soupy garbage water. But, when those same opinions come out of a person who isn’t white, suddenly a hero is born! The heavens open, and a savior of thought affirmation ascends from those heavens to preach horseshit to the masses. Kanye West is that horseshit preacher. He is 51% of the country’s new racism-canceling black friend. Yeezus walks!
That all said, people in Nebraska are preparing their votes for Kanye West. He’ll run against Trump in 2020, Trump will vacate the presidency to Kanye, and all Americans will get $500 worth of Twizzlers in the mail as some sort of tax rebate. You don’t have to go to hell, you’re already here. Don’t fear the reaper, fear your neighbor and your lawmaker.
“If I fuck this model, and she just bleached her asshole, and I get bleach on my t-shirt, I’ma feel like an asshole.”
– The President of the United States of America