News that the government has given the go ahead for ten new universities this week despite the fact that spending four years in the company of a terminally dull lecturer spouting out facts that will, in all likelihood, serve no other purpose than to get you through an exam, has sparked a wave of entrepreneurial flair!
All that and you’ll still end up working in a supermarket earning just enough to eat noodles whilst servicing the crippling debt you ran up whilst funding your pointless education.
Traditionally the antithesis of the educational system (on account of the fact that 90% of them can’t wait to boast about the fact that school was utter bollocks and they got out as soon as they could) entrepreneurs are set to seize this opportunity by the balls!
“I’m going to turn my garden shed into a university!” Said Roger Danes, an entrepreneur from the village of Leighsby near Hazlemere. “The university of Leighsby! Danes College!” he laughed.
The internet millionaire and self-confessed sexual predator says that he has much to offer a potential student (for that is all his shed can hold!).
“For £9000 a year I’ll teach them something useful! I’ll show them how to boast, be pushy and conceited and to look offended and upset when presented with a business idea that doesn’t add up!” he explained. “I will also guide them through the pitfalls of a wealthy lifestyle; how to look like you’re spending loads of cash whereas in fact you’re a total tightass, and put your business before your family, friends and personality!”
These skills, he claims, are far more valuable than a City & Guilds in media studies!
Thousands of people are expected to follow suit, and the UK’s sheds will go from dusty storage areas for failed projects, dead plants, punctured dinghy’s and unused Christmas presents, to a network of money making educational institutions.
*Having problems paying your University fees? Buy a lottery ticket, or become a prostitute!